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Saturday, February 14, 2009

Some Things I've Learned So Far....

Well, it's Sunday again. Time for a deep and heartfelt post I do think. You know, I may be midlife, menopausal and make ALOT of mistakes, but every day I find that I still have so much left to learn. I have so many questions about life that are still unanswered.

But still , I think that I have come a long way from that confused woman who left an abusive relationship in the middle of the night with what I could fit into an Oldsmobile not too terribly many years ago. Allowing people to treat me badly was an old pattern of mine that was hard to break. That all seems like yesterday and yet it feels like a hundred years ago as well. I would like to share a few things that I have learned thus far (which isn't very much I'm afraid)......

*15 years ago, if I had not already cried myself to sleep by 10:00 p.m. then I was having a panic attack instead......

*I strive every day to accept and celebrate the differences that we all have as
people. Before, I think I missed out on some really cool and beautiful people that
I could have gotten to know better.......

*Your children will repeat the behaviour that they learn from you because it's what they know. Trust me on this one.........

*If I love you......love me back.......isn't that the way it's supposed to work?...

*I'm just like everybody else....just trying to find my place in this world. The book "I'm Okay, You're Okay" is a book I go back to more often these days.....

*Honor what you feel, don't shove it way down deep inside. It's much easier to just
go ahead and deal with it now than later......

*I used to date guys who were probably voted "most likely to commit a felony" in my
younger days. Not the ones who merely had too many tattoo's, drank excessively or were drug dealer's...but the edgy type. I've since learned that what looks good to
you may not necessarily be good for you. The only thing I ever got from those kinds of guys were hurt feelings.........

*I don't listen to sad depressing songs about unrequited love any longer. I want to hear songs about people or love who actually made it!! Or at least something happy, uplifting or that just catches my fancy 'just because I like how it sounds'.....

*I really try to only allow myself about 30 minutes of sadness/self pity at any one time (TRY being the key word here). It doesn't change anything or help the situation. It's a waste of my energy and I have much better things to do with my time like weed my garden or sit with Prince and watch 2 1/2 men.......

*I've learned to try to have a little fun in my life and that you can't take every little thing so damned seriously all the time! Hey, try to aim a fan at someone you love and throw a little jello in it!! Trust me...a good time will be had by at least one of you. Lighten up and gift yourself with laughter......

*If Jesus can turn water into wine then just maybe he can take my mess and make a message with it.........

*****"And where's all this time gone, that's what I wonder?".*****
~L Graham

Steady On
Reggie Girl


  1. You've learned some important lessons and I enjoyed reading them. I'm trying hard to approach life as an on-going lesson and realize I don't have to know all the answers right now so it's reassuring to see other people don't have it all completely figured out either.

  2. do i mind if you follow me?? oh my i read your blog and love it!!! thanks so much for finding me! i LOVE your puppy of the day!!! i have two rescued puppies... they are hte loves of my life and i'd happily take a third but my hubby says no way :(! so pleasedtameetcha as they say where i come from ;).... im a follower of you, now, too :)

  3. Call me Cate.....I don't have a clue either...I'm on a "learn-as-you-go mission". I refuse to settle for less than happiness any longer and realize that it's up to me to hold myself to that....

    annie kelleher...I know whatcha mean...Prince doesn't really like for me to keep bringing home animals...I do it anyway because sometimes they have nowhere else to go and no one else to love them. Thanks for following my blog as well....

  4. The more I read your blog, the more I realize how much we have in common. I too, left an abusive husband and lost most of my material pocessions in order to get out with my life. I too allowed way too many people to treat me badly and breaking out of that cycle was hard and took some time.

    I too, have so much to learn and my attitude is that life is like a classroom, as long as I am in it, I will be learning something.

    I appreciate your words today as they are reminders of things I have either learned or strive for myself.

    "If Jesus can turn water into wine then just maybe he can take my mess and make a message with it........." I so love these words! Do you mind if I borrow them? I do believe that He is making a message out of your life just as He is out of mine.

    Have a great Sunday!

  5. Just beautiful...thanks for posting. I hope a lot of people see this. Truly inspiring.

  6. I so hope your life will continue to improve. You always have to look out for yourself. Some people say that is selfish, but you can't be of any use to your loved-ones unless you love yourself and strive to be the best you can be.

    We love animals, too. We have five house cats. We have always had a dog, but our last dog, a yellow lab, died 3 years ago. She was our baby. We wanted to get another dog, but we realized that for the first time in 30 years (we had another dog before her) we were free.

    Cats don't care where you are or when you come home as long as they have clean litter, fresh water, and chow, so we decided not to get another dog.

    We sure do love animals, though.

    My husband was not a great animal lover when we first met. I told him that if married me he would be marrying my animals. I turned him into a vegetarian after two two years of marriage. :)

    Life always gives you two paths. If you don't like the one you've chosen, there will always be another one around the corner. Just make sure you ain't sleeping in the back seat, letting someone else your car. Always be in control of the car of your life.

  7. what a wonderful post! You sound like a very well adjusted and positive person, even after all you've been through. I believe in the saying "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger". It makes us into more sympathetic and kinder humans.
    Now a nosey question, why are you moving again?
    Have a great week!

  8. Girlfriend...that was beautiful. And I know it came from the heart.

  9. hello my dear friend, i missed most of your up-dates because I'm kind of busy these few days.. now i got the time and i realized how similar our feelings are on some issues. i'm just glad that we both have our caring lifetime partners to deal with our mood swings, depressions and all. being with the one we love who are always there to hear our sentiments is definitely the best remedy... why pay for therapy when "talking cure" can be done intimately with our respective mates.. have a nice day my friend. thanks a lot for sharing.

  10. That was beautiful! I needed to hear from you today! Thank you so much for writing this!

  11. This was a great post, Reggie, and I think a lot of women could benefit from reading it.
    My mom counseled a lot of abused women. It's a vicious cycle and it's time we obliterate it!

  12. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders...I always say the "school of hard knocks" teaches better than them all!

    Be blessed today!

  13. Wow, all the things that you have learned in life over the years has made for some great reading, and it also has made me realize that many many many of us have been on a steady uphill climb on the road to learning what is important in life and what is not. Moving to another country and having to adjust to new customs and different people changed me so much. It was a hard road, one filled with many bumps and many hard lessons learned. And the most important of those lessons was and is and still remains - BE MYSELF! No matter how much I tried to fit in, or be what everyone over here wanted me to be, in the end, I was making me and them miserable. So, lesson learned. I am who I am and what I am, and if no one likes it, then they don't have to be a part of my life. One of my blogs little quotes is, "don't be around people who make you unhappy". Point taken! Reggie girl, I may not have been in an abusive relationship, but our lessons are much the same. It is YOUR life and if you do not live it to the fullest, then you are not going to be happy, and you can not make others happy either. If it is okay with you, I will print out this post and reread it, and keep reminding myself that I am not alone on this hard road of getting it right in life!! Thanks so much for sharing this with us. hugs from afar, Debby

  14. Smiles4you....you may use anything that you like from my blog. You don't have to 'borrow' it you can have it....that's what we're all here for I think, to try to share and understand :)....

    FrugalScholor....thank you. You are so kind and I want you to know that your word's inspire me :).........

    Patty....you're right about looking out for yourself (and you're definately right about cats, HA...we think that Sophie remembers when cats were once worshipped in Egypt!)....

    Santamaker.....you're a beautiful person and we're moving as I write this comment - yikes :)

    Janie....thank you! It did come from the heart and I'm just trying to make sense of things so I don't repeat bad behaviour and habits :)...

    2L3Bs....everytime I 'talk' with you I smile and I love that you have your own Prince :)

    Sandi.....steady on girl :)

    Bella....thank you and I'm so glad that your mom taught you about abuse. My own daughter is in an abusive relationship but says things are getting better because she has learned to stand up for herself. I hope she's right :)

    Tammy.....hard-knocks is a great way to learn because you don't ever forget it :)

    PinkBirdhouseDebbie....you're right as well. It does help to know that we aren't alone and that others feel the same way that we do. I hope things are well in Germany ;)

    EVERYONE::: Thanks so much for listening. That post helped me get a lot off my chest and Lord knows it's a lot cheaper and easier than therapy. A little pinkbirdy told me that blogging would be healing and theraputic and truer words were never spoken!!!

    I leave with one of my favorite quotes....
    "An unexamined life is not worth living"

  15. From here it looks like Jesus has transformed your watery mess into the rich wine of a precious message. Thanks for having the courage to share it with us.

  16. Thank you so much for stopping by my blog today - I'm thrilled to discover yours because of it! :) We share some commonalities - I left an abusive husband years ago as well...and I LOVE what you said:

    "If Jesus can turn water into wine then just maybe he can take my mess and make a message with it........."

    Amen to that! :) I'll be back...often! ;)

  17. I think those who struggle often reap the best rewards and a truer sense of self (and self worth).

  18. ***If Jesus can turn water into wine then just maybe he can take my mess and make a message with it.........***

    I love this one! and, of course you can follow me!

  19. Hello Reggie!
    I have just read all the above comments and concur with all of them.
    We never stop learning. You are definitely on the right track.
    Your word of the year "Decided" will help you along the way. I know my word "Balance" that I have running through my head keeps me centered.

    I am going to enjoy getting to know you.

  20. awe- my friend- my heart crys for you - and yet the title of your blog makes me laugh-
    sigh- my dear daughters are/have been in the relationships but some how they never made it out- yet- it is hard for me to have the relationships we had - because abuse changes who they were/are- sigh-
    I think that is why I miss dear papa hubby so much because he was so kind and gentle and good- I miss his heart- of- a - true- gentle-man-
    my heart weeps for those of you who have not been loved with love- hugs from Meme

  21. "*Your children will repeat the behaviour that they learn from you because it's what they know. Trust me on this one........."

    I really, really want this one to be true as I look upon my drug addicted, risk prone daughter and recall my productive, law abiding 20-something self.

    Sorry not to make you laugh but thankful for the hope your blog brought me today.

  22. Great read, Reggie girl. I wish I could pass that point where you already know it all, but even at my age I have to relearn some things that my optimistic, romantic, anal soul tries to alter...

  23. I love that note!

    And so glad you are continuing to grow as an individual as life goes on.

  24. Wow...I loved this post! I can say that i have learned many things the hard way. I was married to the wrong woman for many years... I do, though, consider myself a guy who knows "a little bit about a lot!"
    Kind of my motto!
    Thanks for stopping by Hot Dads!

  25. oh yes i hear you all the way, and i am still learning, after the meenie menos, you somehow get wiser tee hee...

  26. dunno if i lost my post or not...having a 'senior moment' here....was saying that after the meenie menos comes great wisdom and i learn something new about myself every day...

  27. What a great post. I love the note from the child. Like your site also. I'm a first-time visitor

  28. And to think - you were unsure if you should start a blog or not :)

  29. I really love this post. I needed to reread this today. Hugs, Jen

  30. P.S: The word verification had me enter "DOGining" the first time. Appropriate don't you think?

  31. “panic attack, abusive relationship(S)”: been there

    “your children will repeat the behavior that they learn from you because it's what they know”: that’s why I left him; need to stop the cycle for my girls!

    “If I love you......love me back.......isn't that the way it's supposed to work?”: That’s what mom said, but I think she was mistaken.

    “I've learned to try to have a little fun in my life and that you can't take every little thing so damned seriously all the time!”: I am trying too!

    If Jesus can turn water into wine then just maybe he can take my mess and make a message with it: I think He just did.

    Thank you for a beautiful and thought provoking post! ~ Becky


I'm listening.....and while you're at it PLEASE make me laugh!!